


I think I want the girl

by uncreativerabbit



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: A lot of crying but that's what this finale did to me, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, girlfriends talking about feelings, post-S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncreativerabbit/pseuds/uncreativerabbit
Summary: Spoilers for 03x08.Eve doesn't let Villanelle go.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 21
Kudos: 358





	I think I want the girl

Eve was the first to turn back. She watched the yellow coat billow out in the wind behind Villanelle as she walked. Her footsteps were getting quieter and Eve feared they would be drowned out by the cars. She was meant to walk, to find her way to a bus and go back to her tiny, cramped, lonely apartment.

Even the bus was not a place without memories anymore. Villanelle had burned herself onto every bus journey that Eve would take now and forever, since that moment a few days, a few weeks ago - Eve had lost sense of time a little since, all she had counted down the days until she saw Villanelle again. All she saw in her future was her face. Villanelle was trying to change that, acting out of what she thought was what Eve wanted.

_Help me._ She had begged Villanelle with tears in her eyes. She expected a brush of fingertips on her face, an outstretched hand and a promise of a movie, just like in Paris. She was finally ready to become Villanelle’s, not through coercion or fear, but choice and love and feelings. Villanelle could not see that. Eve outstretched her hand towards the figure walking away from her. She noticed it stop and pulled back her hand instantly.

Villanelle turned around and gave Eve a sad smile. It was time for Eve to call her bullshit bluff. She did not truly want to walk away from Eve, did she? It was time for Eve’s last fight. She went to step forward. Villanelle stepped back.

“It’s for the best, Eve.” Villanelle made no efforts to shout to her but Eve could still hear her over the roaring traffic and pedestrians glued to their phones. Another tear rolled down Eve’s face. Villanelle flinched and reached forward for a second, snapping her hand back to try and regain her composure.

“Who says?” Her voice quivered. She dragged one of her hands across her face to wipe away the tear. It was a rough gesture.

  
“Don’t do that, it’s not gentle.” Villanelle had taken a few steps forward. Her hand was out again as if preparing to stop Eve’s assault on her face. Eve started walking forward towards Villanelle. She was brisk, her arms swaying by her side. It looked like a determined march. This was not what she wanted, she did not want to go home and mourn the loss of her life as she knew it and the loss of the life she had accepted in its place.

And honestly? She really, really wanted a hug from Villanelle. One that was not ended just by the appearance of The Twelve or an unsavoury weapon that one of them was carrying.

Villanelle had swayed forward a little, almost instinctively. Her arms were down by her side but her hands were open. She made no move towards Eve, though. Eve had to come to her. She was making a beeline for her, only veering from her path to stop her from crashing into a couple of tourists because that would have completely ruined the moment, and Villanelle did like to preserve the moments.

It was not elegant. It was not gentle. It was not soft. It was a crash of limbs and bodies as Eve threw herself into Villanelle, the pair of them feeling a dull ache at the impact. Eve’s arms wrapped around Villanelle’s body in a vice grip and she grunted at the sensation. Eve nuzzled her head into Villanelle’s shoulder and cried. The cars concealed her sobs but it was obvious what was going on by the way her shoulders bounced up and down. Villanelle stood motionless, arms still down by her side.

“I meant tell me that everything was going to be okay, not get up and leave me!” Eve yelled into Villanelle’s shoulder. It was meant to sound furious. It was a muffled, devastating cry. Villanelle finally wrapped a tentative arm around Eve’s waist. Eve dropped her arms to pull Villanelle’s arms around her, properly before assuming her previous grasp. She felt Villanelle sigh and lean into her hair, bringing one hand up to her hair to brush her fingers through it lightly. 

Eve felt safe enough to relax her grip a little. She kept her arms around Villanelle and they stayed there for a while as the world moved on around them. Eve’s eyes were pressed shut but she listened. She listened to the phone calls, the steady hum of traffic, a baby crying, the sound of an out of tune busker. She listened to Villanelle’s heartbeat, the sound of her coat fluttering in the wind against Eve’s own parka and the soft, shaky breathing that would hitch every once in a while.

Villanelle’s jacket became uncomfortably hot eventually. Eve gripped onto Villanelle again as she turned her head to the side, opening her eyes. They were sticky and uncomfortable as Eve tried to blink away the tears. A woman from the other side of the bridge smiled at her and held up a packet of tissues as an offer, but Eve did not want to share this moment. She smiled back but subtly shook her head. The woman tucked the tissues back into her pocket and turned around to gaze at the river.

Villanelle’s hands moved to Eve’s shoulders as she maneuvered Eve away from her to see her face. It was the first time the both of them had truly looked at each other since Villanelle’s attempt at departure. She could imagine what her face looked like: eyeliner everywhere, streaks of foundation, puffy, watery eyes. Even in sadness, Villanelle’s face was beautiful. She looked like she always did apart from some glassy eyes and a smile that trembled at moments.

Well, Villanelle was right about something, at least. She really was stunning, and to see a future with that face, always, was a thing to treasure. It was why Eve was not willing to let go of it even if Villanelle insisted. She was done with this game of cat-and-mouse, but would throw herself into it as many times as it would take to stop Villanelle from leaving her. Like the story her mother told her when she was little about a red thread that connected two lovers, Eve would fiercely guard whatever connected them. She would only truly let it be shattered in death or if Villanelle meant it, honestly. Eve felt her eyes well up again at the thought of having to chase.

Gentle fingers swiped underneath her eyes and Eve was embarrassed at just how much she leaned into the touch. She gazed ahead as Villanelle took her cheeks into her hands and rubbed them, soothingly. All she could see was a mess of watery grey over Villanelle’s expensive yellow coat. Moment ruined, then.

“I’m sorry for making you cry, Eve.” Villanelle gave Eve a small smile. Eve returned the gesture with a bashful grin.

“I’m sorry for ruining your lovely coat.” Eve turned towards the bridge again, resting her arms on the side and placing her head in her hands. She watched Villanelle look down at her coat, pull at it a little before sighing and joining Eve next to her.

“You always like to give me little things to remember you by, don’t you? A stab wound, a bruise on the forehead, a ruined coat…” Eve laughed. Villanelle joined in, moving her face closer to Eve’s so the two of them were on the same level.

“One of those is not like the others.”

“It’s all very romantic, isn’t it?” Their giggles faded naturally, back into silence between the pair as they both gazed ahead at the boats that passed on the Thames. Eve broke it, again.

“You didn’t make me cry.”

“Hm?” Villanelle’s head jerked up to look at her again. Eve was still looking ahead.

“The thought of you not being in my life made me cry.”

“Oh, Eve.”

“I would have chased you, you know?”

Villanelle’s mouth dropped open. She looked concerned.

  
“If you had walked away from me and any time you walked away from me after that. I would have tracked you and traced you.” Eve finally looked over at Villanelle. Now she looked tearful. Eve took her hand and squeezed it.

“I could have made it very hard for you. There wouldn’t be a trail of bodies to follow. I could just disappear.”

“I get the feeling you wouldn’t have, though. Even if I let you walk away from me tonight. You would always be there in the shadows, and I would always pull you out.”

They both gazed out into the distance, again. A party boat sailed up the Thames, emitting rainbow lights and the deep sound of the bass of some disco hit. There was cheering and whooping. Eve watched the partygoers on the boat; they were dancing, kissing, hugging. She wondered what it would be like if she had chosen the life that did lead to this moment with Villanelle standing beside her. Would she be out with Bill and Elena, sharing shots and talking about girls? Or curled up on the sofa with Niko, spooning ice-cream into her mouth out of the tub while he played with her hair and they watched a documentary about something boring?

Eve really did like to dwell on the past. However, looking over at Villanelle who was also wrapped up in her own thoughts would always pull her out. This is where she wanted to be. This was what she had staked everything on.

She watched a seagull perched on a post by the walkway near the other side of the Thames. It’s head was thrown back and it was calling out. Over and over, until out of the corner of her eye, she saw another seagull swooping down, weaving its way between people walking along the side of the river. It joined the other bird on the post as the two adjusted to make room. They also seemed to be gazing out onto the river.

“So, what now?” Villanelle asked. Eve had to think. She had never gotten this far in dreams.

“We can go back to my place and talk. Maybe watch something a bit shitty on TV. Get takeout. I can talk to Carolyn tomorrow about trying to get you a new identity and job or something.”

“I asked her. She said no, unless I wanted to kill. That’s all I was good for, apparently.”

“That’s bullshit.” Eve’s response was snappy and sudden. A reaction. Villanelle gave Eve a loving smile.

“Thank you.”

“I can pull a favour or two. If you don’t mind being a waiter I can find a few places through a family friend. It won’t be much and the clothes won’t be as nice. My flat is a bit cramped, although I guess you would know. You won’t have to pick the lock anymore, though.” Eve nudged Villanelle with her shoulder. Villanelle leaned into Eve, her head on her shoulder, an arm loosely around her chest, hand on her other shoulder. Eve covered her hand with her own, grazing her fingers over the back of Villanelle’s hand.

“It sounds nice. Movies and talking. I can’t cook.”

“Neither can I.”

“Oh.” Villanelle’s voice trailed off.

“What?”

“You said you had a chicken…”

“Niko. It was a compromise, originally he wanted two goats.” Eve saw Villanelle’s face shift into one of horror and she had to agree. It made her chuckle to herself.

“Yeah, not really my thing. I’m not really a pet person. I suppose we weren’t really compatible.”

“What are you going to do about him?”

“He’s already filed for divorce. I guess I just need to change my name back.”

“What was your name before?”

“Eve Park.”

“Doesn’t roll off the tongue like Polastri. I like it though. It’s completely yours.”

“What about you? What are you going to do with your name?”

Villanelle moved away from Eve and leaned her hands on the side of the bridge again. Eve instinctively moved closer to her, enough to give her a small gap, a bit of freedom, but close enough to be able to stop her if she tried to run.

“I don’t know. Villanelle is the name of the assassin for The Twelve. She’s a killer, I am not. Oksana is dead. The only people who called me Oksana were those who were trying to hurt or manipulate me.”

Eve thought back to their first meeting in the kitchen of her old house and how she used Oksana to try and break Villanelle down, to show off her knowledge. It stung, now.

“I’m sorry.”

“Not you. Konstantin. My mother. Carolyn.”

  
“Carolyn?”

“When I told her I didn’t kill. She changed from Villanelle to Oksana. But then she told Villanelle to chase after you.”

“She told you to chase after me?” Eve was surprised. Her brain was calculating, maybe she could use this as a glimmer of hope that Carolyn would help out. All they needed was a set of new identities.

“Yes. I suppose when I think about it, I don’t mind what you call me. As long as you call me.”

Eve took her hand again, laughing. 

“Of course. As long as you don’t ever run from me again. I will find you.”

They were quiet again. It was a comfortable silence, but Eve was starting to get a little chilly.

“You know, Carolyn once told me that “heroes only get the girl in Hollywood.” I scoffed at the time, but I realised something. I’m really glad I’m not a hero.”

“Is that you attempting to be romantic?” Villanelle had her eyebrow raised, but she was giggling. Her cheeks were pink, although it was indistinguishable to know what it could be. Her hands were a little cold to the touch.

“Maybe.” They turned to face each other. Eve took both of Villanelle’s hands in her own. She watched Villanelle’s thumbs run over the back of her palms and up to her engagement ring. It lingered there, not touching it, just hovering over.

“You can have the girl if you want the girl.” Villanelle said.

“I think I want the girl.” Eve slipped off her wedding ring, turned back to the river and dropped it in. They expected to hear a splash.

“Ow!” A grumpy male voice was heard.

“Shit, shit, get down, duck.” Eve whispered frantically, pulling Villanelle down by her shoulder. They ducked down out of view. Eve had her hand clamped over her mouth to stop herself from laughing, tears spilling over her cheeks. Villanelle was laughing silently, apart from a few gasps. She was also wiping away tears and fell against Eve.

When they calmed down and stood up, they both took one last glance over the river. Villanelle started laughing again.

“That was fantastic. Oh you really don’t know how to keep a moment.”

  
  
“Be quiet! Besides, it’s his lucky day. He could make some money off that ring.”

They shared another smile as Eve took her hand.

“Shall we go home? We can stop by Tesco and get some snacks for the movie.”

  
  
Villanelle nodded and they walked away from the bridge, hand in hand. Sometimes they would sway and bump into each other. They would dip in and out of conversation, but the gentle smiles would never fade, unless they were deepening into grins.


End file.
